Sunday, Sunday. So Good To Me.

I love Sunday mornings. I always have. Things just seem quieter on a Sunday morning. More still and peaceful. (Helps that I live out in the country). I find myself getting up early just for the reason that everyone else tends to sleep in. I did my sleeping in yesterday so now is when I find my alone time. My perfect Sunday morning used to consist of going and getting a paper and smoking the whole drive. Then just sitting on the deck, reading the paper, drinking coffee and smoking. Well it's too chilly to sit out on the deck. I don't want to use the fuel to go get a paper and I quit smoking so it's just me and my coffee. I also enjoy watching the CBS Sunday Morning Show. aka The Sun Show. May's hates it so she cringes when she wakes up and wants to watch something and I tell her nope...it's the sun show. I gave up the smoking in June 2004 and am happy to say I have only faltered once when a friend (who also gave up smoking) and I broke down and bought a pack and split it in an evening of sitting outside just chatting and listening to music. I decided to give it up for the fact that okay first of all I had found out I was pregnant and second of all, yes I know it will improve my life, my health and there is not just me to think about anymore. Also because Mayme is older and not stupid at all. I don't want her to see me doing it and pick up on it. I didn't want to be a mom that has to sneak out of the house at 2 a.m. for a cigarette in the backyard either. For awhile there Mayme was copying her Grandpa with pens or other things to pretend she was smoking. I remember doing that too. I would roll up a piece of paper and pretend to smoke. Oooh and those bubble gums that had the powder on them and when you blew it, it looked like smoke. I really should try those when I am having a stressful moment. Oh how the times have changed. I was very proud of Mayme because on the way home from my uncle and aunt's anniversary party last year we stopped at a gas station and we got out of the truck and my dad decided to have a smoke. Mayme said to him that he needed to stop or else he would die. Then of course I feel bad for my dad because I know he's tried and tried and tried........After 50 years I'm know it's hard. I know I don't like to hear that I am going to die though.

Which reminds me that Mayme and I had another conversation about that that left us both crying. When Gerald Ford died we were watching the news and Mayme asked why he died. I told him that he was 93 and when you get old your body gets older and tired and your heart eventually stops. If only it was that way for everyone. So she starts crying and telling me she doesn't want me to get older and that she doesn't want anyone we know to die and I start crying because I start thinking how I don't want anyone to die yet I am trying to tell her it's a good thing when you die because of what happens in the next life. Then we mutually decided to stop talking about it. But for some reason lately I have been trying to tell her that if I were to die that I would want Paul to get married again and be happy. That I would want her to have someone to watch her in my place even though I would still be watching her too. That was a fun little story wasn't it? Over Christmas I had a dream about a friend of mine that died 10 years ago. She was with me and it was like we were watching our lives in high school on tape and at the end of the dream she had been dead for awhile and I went to visit her family and was tears because I felt so bad that I had visited them or even sent a card. They told me they understood and I just tried to tell them I wanted them to know I care, but didn't want them to be reminded of what happened if I tried to contact them. It was really weird and really sad. I don't think I've dreamt about her since a day ot two after she died.

I didn't get anything done that I thought I was going to yesterday. The main thing was go in and get May's bangs cut. She has her winter dance show next weekend and pictures the week after that. The girls and I ended up napping in the afternoon and then Grace came over to play. By the time she went home the hair place we closed so I just ended up watching Tommy Boy. Holy Schnikes I love that movie!!