Happy Father's Day and Birthday!

Happy Father's Day and Birthday!

Well today my dad celebrated his birthday! He was born 62 years ago on this date which happened to land on Father's Day that year as well. My dad and I have had an interesting relationship. I love him dearly and I always throw it in and the end of a phone conversation, but it is never said with the meaning it should. It's just quick and robotic. I guess I should be happy that we can say it at all. I think my dad and I are alike in that it is much easier to express our feelings through writing than face to face. I wish it didn't feel somewhat awkward because I want him to know how much I love him. I think he does. Life changes your perspective when you become a parent. All of the sudden you see what your parents had to go through. My dad sees my daughter and I think sees time with her as time he didn't get to spend with me and my brother as he was busy working and farming. I think all little girls love their daddys more than anything no matter what. When my parents divorced I just felt so bad for him who was all alone. He went through a whole lot of depression for a long and at one time when I was older I saw a therapist and they suggested that I ask my dad about the divorce and the hows and the whys because it might help me, but I don't see how it can help to drag things up from the past that are only going to hurt him and not change anything. So I don't bring it up. I really think it was my dad's girlfriend who was able to help my dad and I begin a friendship. It was very hard to deal with him in the teenage years. His depression and his drinking. ( and me well being a teenager I thought I was always right. ) I got so tired of the fighting and I learned to find the signs that he had been drinking before coming home and leave the room before he could pick a fight. With her around though I was able to have someone who understood him in his "moods" -someone to confide in and also with her around he was more happy. Now he is happier than he's been in a long time even though he and the girlfriend are no longer together. Today was the first year we were allowed to spend a birthday with him. My grandma, brother and his family and my family with my dad got to celebrate. This was a HUGE deal as my dad has never spent a birthday with us. He never wanted to celebrate and wanted it to just pass by and usually would spend the day by himself at the bars. My mom says that it was this way even when they were married. He was just convinced he was going to die young because his father did. I think the big birthday was a couple of years ago when he passed the age that my grandfather had been when he died. I think my dad just kept dreading that age because he thought he was going to die also. Passing that age I think he became more relieved and relaxed. Or maybe it is his grandkids that brought the change. Whatever the change it is nice to hear him talk about the future instead of dying. I can't imagine life without him. Even though we have had a rocky road he is still the one I call when I have a problem or call to talk about nothing. The first one I talk to about everything. I know he did the best he could raising me on his own and I am so thankful for him. I'm looking forward to many more father's days and birthdays to celebrate with him!!